Home Sweet Home

I'm heading into my last two days in Colorado and I have to say I missed it here more than I ever expected or realized.. It's gonna be so hard to leave. I am overwhelmed trying to see everyone that I want to see and know I'm not gonna get to see everyone. I have had more fun in 6 days than I thought possible visiting home haha... I forgot how truly amazing and beautiful this state is. There are so many colors and so much green. But it isn't just the plants, and the mountains that are colorful its the buildings too. Everything here is so beautiful. There are so many places to see and things to do in this state I don't know how anyone could ever be bored and when I think on the past I get upset with myself that I didn't take more opportunities to experience all of the glory that Colorado has to offer while I lived here. Although I have every intention of moving back when the timing is right with God.
It has been amazing seeing my friends and just being in their presence. What it so cool about coming home to visit now is that everyone I see.. I love and I know they love me! There is no pressure about being anything but myself and I can relax and be silly and carefree.I can be completely blunt and honest about my opinions and know its not gonna change anything...even if we argue and disagree. I know without a doubt no matter what they love me and that is really cool to know. Although old emotions were brought up and there were moments where I forgot that I am no longer who I use to be and have grown into a stronger woman it was really fun to bring the more confident, self assured me home to my friends.
I think the most surprising and encouraging moments I've had is when I've gotten to talk to some of my friends and family about my relationship with God and how it has changed my life. I have to admit I've been apprehensive and have feared that I would be judged, and rejected because of my faith and I have been met with love. There is nothing more encouraging than when love prevails over fear.
One of the biggest things I've been trying to do while I've been home is only to eat at restaurants that are not in Arizona and it's been fairly easy. That is sad for the food industry in Arizona. Oh how I've missed Colorado's diversity and simplicity in finding good food to eat that are locally owned. Since I've been home.. I've had Ethiopian, Thai, good 'ol bar burgers, buffalo burger, and subway...haha okay Subway can be found anywhere but it was good! Not to mention good old Louisiana home cookin' by my Mom! She made me Jambalaya and Red Beans and Rice for my birthday and it was delicious! Be jealous...it's okay...you should be!
And last but not least spending time with my family has been amazing. Although there are times where we (I) have fallen into our old patterns it is obvious that we as a family are moving forward in our lives. That we are changing and growing as individuals and are also growing as a family. It isn't easy and it is far from perfected (I cried yesterday over something stupid) but there is a difference. My family is so important to me and I love them more than I can put into words, but it's me and I will always try! :D We have successfully come out of real dark places better, stronger, wiser people and I am proud of who we are. I am proud of my Brother for finding such an amazing beautiful,thoughtful, clever, smart, funny wife. I am proud of him for accomplishing his goals and always holding steadfast to his opinions.I am proud of my Sister in Law for entering into this silly family and going along with our silly traditions no matter what! I am proud of her for finishing her classes and taking on her internships with out any nervousness... she is an inspiration.  I am proud of my Sister, who is the kindest, most loving person I have ever met and I am constantly trying to be like her. Still at 26 years old I want to be like my Sister... I think that's pretty cool. And my Mother....anyone who has ever met my Mother knows what a light she is. Everything about her is love. She is amazing, nothing else needs to be said.
With that being said...my trip home; which isn't even over yet, has been magical. I love it here. I love my Family, my Friends, the food, the scenery, the everything. What I have learned is you can never go back to the way things were. I don't even want to go back to the way things were, but you can go home again and move forward into greater things.

Pruning Unhealthy Relationships

Okay... So I did something that was really quite hard for me to do today...  but I am so proud of myself and I feel so free because of it. What did I do? I'm so glad you asked! I deleted my ex boyfriend off Facebook, out of my phone and e-mail. I also told him in a very blunt text that I never want to have any form of contact with him again. 
    I know.. not that big of a deal to some people...but for me that was huge!!! See.. I rarely walk away from people. I rarely stop and say, "I don't want you in my life anymore". This is the 3rd time in the nearly 26 years I've been alive that I've severed ties with someone. I always wait for them to sever ties with me. That way it wasn't my choice. They did it to me. They have no right to hate me because I didn't walk away from them. I know pathetic. But I'm aware of it now and I'm working hard on changing that. I don't know how he responded cause I handed my phone over to my God mother and she has it for the night and is diligently deleting his text messages as he sends them to me so that I don't get all emotional and take it back. It's not that I wan't to have anything to do with him either...it's that I dont particularly like to hurt people and I might just cave in to get him to shut up. I dont know which it would be but either would be a waste of time because the result is the same. I want him out of my life. 
    Now after deleting ex boyfriend out of my life I felt inspired to delete others. So I have officially deleted 4 people and I'm sure there are others I need to delete but they are just not coming to mind. It feels good though to prune your life. I feel free and I highly recommend this whole stand up for yourself and cut out toxic relationships thing! It feels good! :D 

Life Changing Moment

        Hi, My Name is Nicki. I decided to start this blog today because I went for a 60 minute run today. Why would that trigger me to write. Well, because I was told my whole life I couldnt do that. I did it though and it was amazing and fun and I just loved it! I realized during my run I have done a lot of things in the last two years since I moved to Arizona that have defied what I was told I was capable of. So I figure I would start writing and sharing those life changing moments I have been so blessed to experience. Especially because I know there are people who have seen my struggle and would be really excited to hear about my conquests. If no one ever reads this...well at least I got it written down for me. 
   So... the purpose of this blog is to share my life with the world. I'm not going to do what I normally do and block the crap out of it so only a select few can read my life... I'm just going to let this air. Hopefully, my trials and success will motivate someone, or at least make someone laugh. 
   Let's talk about my run for a second. Whenever I go for a run I always start with a prayer to God. I ask God to carry me through and protect me on the run and if he ever wants to reveal something to me that I am listening and willing to hear him. I think that is the most critical piece to my running experience. Infact the first time I went running back in January I was feeling weak and wheezy and wanted to give up...but I remembered that God was with me and he was carrying me through and I finished it... that was only a 20 minute run! :D 
 What's crazy to think about is in January when I started this adventure I could only run a minute at a time. I started this using a program called C25k.... you can learn more about it at http://www.c25k.com/. The first week you run for a minute walk for a minute thirty...that was a challenge for me. That was only 5 months ago and now I can for 60 minutes straight! It's just so cool. During my run today I was thinking about how excited I was when I ran for 5 minutes straight. When I finished that run I literally started laughing and praising God in the middle of the street.
      I cant express how big of a deal this is. Last year  alone I was admitted 5 times for my asthma... I was giving up hope on ever being healthy. Just in November, I had nearly died. The scariest thing in the world is to be breathing so poorly you can no longer voice a word. I know what the feels like. I know what it feels like to not be sure you are gonna make it through this asthma attack, or see tomorrow. It's frightening. I never in a million years thought I would be running for an hour without using my inhaler! 
   Thing about it is I couldnt have done this without God. Infact I have tried to do this without God...and I failed...even more so when I was running regularly in high school I put myself in the hospital by trying to push myself farther. I'm just so excited about this! I guess the next step is to sign up for a real 5k. That's exciting! I think I will go look into that. But thank you... for your time. I hope you come back and read more about my adventures another day! <3


Nicki C.