04 August 2012
What if's
I spent my whole evening reminiscing and thinking about "What ifs". I did some wallowing but I'm proud to say it wasn't drastic wallowage. But mostly I just thought of the things I could have done differently. I could have not drank at this party, or I could have saved this money, or I could have not wasted this opportunity...you get the drift. But what really hurt me was thinking about the people I missed. I spent a significant amount of time looking at old pictures and asking myself "What if". Super unhealthy behavior for the record. Thoroughly sad... I texted my buddy Dillon and asked him ever so kindly to tell me to "Stop it!". He being the loyal friend he is obliged me and cheered me up in a matter of minutes and I went off to drown my sorrows in Transformers and orange soda. As soon as it was over I came back over to my laptop to see what I missed on Facebook and my wandering eyes spotted my bible open next to my computer with the gentle and kind words in bold mocking me, "Our, "If Onlies"". It's times like these that I just smile and Thank God for loving me individually and fully. I have a few bibles but I am partial to this one. Partially because my Sister gave it to me (This wasn't an emotional moment or anything, I saw it in her room and she said, "You can have it" and I took it) but it has been good to me. The other reason is because it's NIV translation...for those of you that don't know what that means, it's fancy English that any slightly educated person can understand. When I read it, or memorize verses I feel like I'm speaking in some old fancy English language that only the privileged are entitled to and anyone who knows me, knows I like to pretend I'm privileged. The third reason is that it is a Woman's devotional bible and has these tiny stories/poems/lectures throughout the bible explaining verses and sections in a Woman's perspective. The bold letters, "Our, "If Onlies"" was precisely that... a devotional. Now due to copy right I am going to paraphrase what it said. Basically it said you cant look in your past with out "What ifs" but to dwell on them is wrong. The important thing to remember is not once was but what is now. That really hit home because of my verse for the year 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come" I forget this daily. lol. I really am a new creation. I am a completely different person than I use to be and the fear that I carry around that I am going to fall into old habits and I'm never going to grow and change is unfounded. It is unfounded for so many reasons but the most important one being 2 Corinthians 5:17. I am so blessed for the love God has given me and completely overwhelmed in trying to understand it. I love God so much. Now if that wasn't a big enough gift from God I then read the passage that accompanied the devotional which is Joel 2: 18-27...and verse 25 called to me. It reads, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-the great locust and the young locust". I don't know if you are reading this and thinking, "What locusts ate something, WHAT?!" but let me explain. Joel ministered in Judah in a time when locusts plagued the economy. This verse served as a promise of restoration in a time of despair. Despair caused by vanity...but you can do your own research to fully understand that. For me what this was...was a reminder that God doesn't just make new but he restores. He has promised to restore me and I can rest in that promise. I needed this so bad right now. I have felt frustrated for weeks feeling like a failure, a loser. I am not a loser. I have come so far and conquered with God so many mighty big mountains. I am not only a Princess of the King, but a warrior and God being the loving God he is reminded me tonight that he is taking care of me. He is loving me and he is in control. God is good all the time. I hope this blesses you like it has blessed me. Thank you for taking the time to read it and sharing my life with me.
19 June 2012
Rant about people who say."All men/women suck"
Okay... rant. I'm gonna do this from time to time. I cant stand when woman and men talk about how they hate the opposite sex. Here's the deal...There are indeed not good men out there....and there are not good women out there too. But Men don't suck....and neither do women. That is a broad generalization that drives me nuts.Now I want to address what is really going on but to save from doing he/she or woman/man I'm just gonna use men...but it applies both ways. Here is the real problem:
Somewhere along the road you began to believe that men suck. Sure some do...but if you hold on to this thought for the rest of your life and do nothing to change your behaviors and thought patterns then all men that you come across will in fact suck...Now you might be wondering why you are ever so blessed to come across all these suckfest people. Here's why....at some point you started to believe that relationships look a certain way. That certain way is wrong. A healthy relationship does not look the way you think it does if you continue to date sucky people.How do I know this has happened...because you believe all men suck. Now you can go to therapy and analyze this and try to pin point when and why you believe what you believe...or you can decide to change your views. Yes... I know...change is scary...easier said than done... ooooh shut up!
Changing your views starts with admitting that you are wrong. That you do not know everything there is to know about everything. Surprise... you are not perfect!
Next you need to figure out your priorities...what you like and what you don't like. What you can live with and more importantly what you wont live with. Write them down. Your mental list isn't good enough...because in the heat of the moment that list becomes unimportant. Tell your friends so they can look at the new guy in your life and say, "Hey...remember when you told me you didn't want to date a smoker ....um...he smokes ". Your real friends wont have a problem hurting your feelings if it means it will benefit you in the long run (unless you're that person that cant handle any criticism ever....if that's the case stop reading this...it isn't for you...yet).
This one is mostly for the women but men do this too... Please if you get nothing else out of this at all, please understand this, YOU CAN NOT CHANGE OR FIX A PERSON! THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER IS YOURSELF! THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE IS YOURSELF! Don't ever say ever again, "well...maybe he'll quit for me" Or "That can change" Sure...it could... you're right...there is the possibility that these things may happen...but I can 100% promise you it isn't because you got him to do it. If they change, they change because they wanted to. So if there is a quality about this person that you're not willing to live with, then walk away. Don't lean on the idea of someday or you will always be leaning on that idea.
And last (at least in this blog) Understand that you are worth the wait. Do not settle. You deserve to be treated well...and don't think there are no men out there that fit your qualifications because that's not true. You're awesome right? Well...you're not the only awesome person on the planet...so chances are there is someone out there that fits what you are looking for.
Now stop looking for someone and live your life. Love your life! You only get one after all. It's in those moments that you're laughing with your friends and trying new things that you will find that person and even more importantly...you will find yourself.
Somewhere along the road you began to believe that men suck. Sure some do...but if you hold on to this thought for the rest of your life and do nothing to change your behaviors and thought patterns then all men that you come across will in fact suck...Now you might be wondering why you are ever so blessed to come across all these suckfest people. Here's why....at some point you started to believe that relationships look a certain way. That certain way is wrong. A healthy relationship does not look the way you think it does if you continue to date sucky people.How do I know this has happened...because you believe all men suck. Now you can go to therapy and analyze this and try to pin point when and why you believe what you believe...or you can decide to change your views. Yes... I know...change is scary...easier said than done... ooooh shut up!
Changing your views starts with admitting that you are wrong. That you do not know everything there is to know about everything. Surprise... you are not perfect!
Next you need to figure out your priorities...what you like and what you don't like. What you can live with and more importantly what you wont live with. Write them down. Your mental list isn't good enough...because in the heat of the moment that list becomes unimportant. Tell your friends so they can look at the new guy in your life and say, "Hey...remember when you told me you didn't want to date a smoker ....um...he smokes ". Your real friends wont have a problem hurting your feelings if it means it will benefit you in the long run (unless you're that person that cant handle any criticism ever....if that's the case stop reading this...it isn't for you...yet).
This one is mostly for the women but men do this too... Please if you get nothing else out of this at all, please understand this, YOU CAN NOT CHANGE OR FIX A PERSON! THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER IS YOURSELF! THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE IS YOURSELF! Don't ever say ever again, "well...maybe he'll quit for me" Or "That can change" Sure...it could... you're right...there is the possibility that these things may happen...but I can 100% promise you it isn't because you got him to do it. If they change, they change because they wanted to. So if there is a quality about this person that you're not willing to live with, then walk away. Don't lean on the idea of someday or you will always be leaning on that idea.
And last (at least in this blog) Understand that you are worth the wait. Do not settle. You deserve to be treated well...and don't think there are no men out there that fit your qualifications because that's not true. You're awesome right? Well...you're not the only awesome person on the planet...so chances are there is someone out there that fits what you are looking for.
Now stop looking for someone and live your life. Love your life! You only get one after all. It's in those moments that you're laughing with your friends and trying new things that you will find that person and even more importantly...you will find yourself.
18 June 2012
Things I'd like to do in the next 6 months...
This is my list of things I'd like to attempt and do in the next 6 months!
Camping
Run a 5k (Like actually sign up and run one)
Finish my Grandma’s scrapbook
build a sand castle
go to Bearizona!!!!
go to Bearizona!!!!
Read 12 books
Do a puzzle
Dye My hair a fun color
People Watch and write a short story about the people I see
Go Roller Skating
Have a Tea Party
Make a Time Capsule
build a fort
Go Ice Skating
Go to the Grand Canyon
Write…just write
Join a swim team
Take dance classes
Make a video and put it on Youtube
Go cliff jumping
Make my own cook book (dairy free of course)
Fire a gun
Zipline
Ride a mechanical bull
Go to Mexico
Milk a cow
Visit San Diego Zoo
Go to Disney Land
Build a dollhouse
Karaoke
Go to the Phoenix Zoo
Go Horseback Riding
Go to the MiM (Musical Instrument Museum)
Go to a Wax Museum
Go down the Salt River
Sew (my apron :D)
Learn to knit
Make a quilt
Living my Life
Okay...so I've been thinking... which usually isn't a good thing but I think this time it is. In January I made the commitment to stop watching television by myself for a year. I actually did really well til April. Then I fell flat on my face. In January through March I learned quite a bit about myself. 1. I had no idea what was going on in the world. 2. I watched t.v. to avoid doing things I didn't understand and didn't want to deal with. 3. I was 100% more productive and successful without television in my life. Then in April I went on a television binge one could say... During this binge I kept thinking, why am I watching other people live their lives instead of living mine. But I did nothing to change. I don't know if I just didn't fully understand my thoughts at the time, or was too scared to act...but I didn't do anything. I didn't neglect my responsibilities or avoid plans to watch television... I just spent every minute that wasn't planned watching t.v., movies, YouTube, Netflix, hulu...whatever. Now on to what has prompt this blog. There are two you-tubers (Is that a word/phrase?) that have motivated me here...along with my cousin Jennifer, and my Sister.
Here's how... First there is Charlie Mcdonnell... http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieissocoollike?feature=results_main Charlie is this adorable British kid who has taken YouTube by storm. I came across him sometime in the early months of this year and couldn't stop watching his videos. He's smart, clever, creative, funny and that accent is addicting. After spending an entire night watching his videos I kept thinking how amazing it was that this kid has become so famous just by being himself. I wondered if I am that interesting... without coming to a conclusion to that question I moved on. Possibly afraid of the answer.
Then there is my cousin Jennifer. I've always adored Jennifer (whom I've never actually met but came in contact with because of Myspace, God bless the internet!) She has always seemed so interesting to me. She's been a model (she's gorgeous) but she's not vain... in fact I haven't seen a picture of her in years because she never puts any up. She's so smart....she took on a a major modeling corporation but the details are hers to share not mine. Now she promotes health through holistic well being, herbal medicine and exercise (I hope that does her justice) http://www.wakingbird.com/ That will explain more or you can find her on FB https://www.facebook.com/WakingBird Anyways...she is this amazing woman who has taken time to send me a personalized diet plan and to personally motivate me and although very gracious and intrigued, I haven't followed through yet...again out of fear I think.
Following suite is my Sister...my Sister who also has a blog http://julie30before30.blogspot.com/ at the beginning of the year got rid of her cable, got a personal trainer and made a 30 things to do before she turns 30 list. I'm so proud of her and impressed. She literally has changed her priorities so much in 6 months that it blows my mind. Partially because in August of last year she was telling me how these were things she wasn't willing to do. I just keep thinking though...who she is now...is who I use to be...and I really miss that person.
Now last but not least... Mike Falzone... http://www.youtube.com/user/mikefalzone?feature=results_main Mike is this funny, talented, smart, sarcastic real guy who shares his life with people if you haven't looked him up you need to...now...go! Right now! Okay... now moving on. The same thing that happened when I discovered Charlie happened with Mike just a few days ago.I stayed up all night watching all of his videos just entranced by this man. What really blew my mind though is that I said something about Mike on twitter https://twitter.com/#!/MikeFalzone and he responded! I felt like a celebrity reached out to me! Silly I know...but it was really cool! I already thought he was super hot but that created an instant crush. Now here is the other thing about Mike... he is so humble. I can almost see him blushing whenever someone says something flattering to him. (I do hope if he reads this it makes him smile). Anyways... because Mike responds to people, because he is so real he helped me see that I could do what he is doing. What I mean is I could be living my life. My life could be worth following. I could be worth following. Do I think I'm worth following right now...no. I don't. Do I think; scratch that, know I am worth following as a person. Yes. I do. So what's standing in my way?
Fear, laziness, the idea that I'm not good enough...yeah that pretty much sums it up. I'm going to change this though. I know who I am. I am a child of God, I am funny, I am confident, I am pretty, I am smart, I am unique and strong...so if I know these things why am I not living to my potential? I have no good answer to that.
So here is what I'm gonna do... I am going to seriously do away with television...not YouTube...I like YouTube... but television, Hulu, Netflix, Movies etc... I'm not going to not go to the movies with people, or hang out with friends and have a Harry Potter or Star Wars marathon... I'm just not going to waste my alone time on television through the end of the year. ( Please don't lecture me about putting myself on a time limit.. I like time limits they help me follow through and feel productive) Second.. I'm gonna make a list of things I want to do through the end of the year...and I'm going to put that list on here and keep you all updated on my adventures. Who knows.... maybe I'll even start a vlog on YouTube.
* I'd like to add that I am not saying television, hulu etc are evil and everyone should do away with it... this is a personal exploration of myself. I have noticed the unhealthy behavior in myself and would like to mend the situation... I am not speaking for anyone else. Thank you! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkOmq2l3zWs&feature=g-all-u I <3 this guy and he posted this video the same day I wrote this blog... I doubt he read this but if he did he made my whole day! :D For the record... I never watched these shows...ever.
Here's how... First there is Charlie Mcdonnell... http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieissocoollike?feature=results_main Charlie is this adorable British kid who has taken YouTube by storm. I came across him sometime in the early months of this year and couldn't stop watching his videos. He's smart, clever, creative, funny and that accent is addicting. After spending an entire night watching his videos I kept thinking how amazing it was that this kid has become so famous just by being himself. I wondered if I am that interesting... without coming to a conclusion to that question I moved on. Possibly afraid of the answer.
Then there is my cousin Jennifer. I've always adored Jennifer (whom I've never actually met but came in contact with because of Myspace, God bless the internet!) She has always seemed so interesting to me. She's been a model (she's gorgeous) but she's not vain... in fact I haven't seen a picture of her in years because she never puts any up. She's so smart....she took on a a major modeling corporation but the details are hers to share not mine. Now she promotes health through holistic well being, herbal medicine and exercise (I hope that does her justice) http://www.wakingbird.com/ That will explain more or you can find her on FB https://www.facebook.com/WakingBird Anyways...she is this amazing woman who has taken time to send me a personalized diet plan and to personally motivate me and although very gracious and intrigued, I haven't followed through yet...again out of fear I think.
Following suite is my Sister...my Sister who also has a blog http://julie30before30.blogspot.com/ at the beginning of the year got rid of her cable, got a personal trainer and made a 30 things to do before she turns 30 list. I'm so proud of her and impressed. She literally has changed her priorities so much in 6 months that it blows my mind. Partially because in August of last year she was telling me how these were things she wasn't willing to do. I just keep thinking though...who she is now...is who I use to be...and I really miss that person.
Now last but not least... Mike Falzone... http://www.youtube.com/user/mikefalzone?feature=results_main Mike is this funny, talented, smart, sarcastic real guy who shares his life with people if you haven't looked him up you need to...now...go! Right now! Okay... now moving on. The same thing that happened when I discovered Charlie happened with Mike just a few days ago.I stayed up all night watching all of his videos just entranced by this man. What really blew my mind though is that I said something about Mike on twitter https://twitter.com/#!/MikeFalzone and he responded! I felt like a celebrity reached out to me! Silly I know...but it was really cool! I already thought he was super hot but that created an instant crush. Now here is the other thing about Mike... he is so humble. I can almost see him blushing whenever someone says something flattering to him. (I do hope if he reads this it makes him smile). Anyways... because Mike responds to people, because he is so real he helped me see that I could do what he is doing. What I mean is I could be living my life. My life could be worth following. I could be worth following. Do I think I'm worth following right now...no. I don't. Do I think; scratch that, know I am worth following as a person. Yes. I do. So what's standing in my way?
Fear, laziness, the idea that I'm not good enough...yeah that pretty much sums it up. I'm going to change this though. I know who I am. I am a child of God, I am funny, I am confident, I am pretty, I am smart, I am unique and strong...so if I know these things why am I not living to my potential? I have no good answer to that.
So here is what I'm gonna do... I am going to seriously do away with television...not YouTube...I like YouTube... but television, Hulu, Netflix, Movies etc... I'm not going to not go to the movies with people, or hang out with friends and have a Harry Potter or Star Wars marathon... I'm just not going to waste my alone time on television through the end of the year. ( Please don't lecture me about putting myself on a time limit.. I like time limits they help me follow through and feel productive) Second.. I'm gonna make a list of things I want to do through the end of the year...and I'm going to put that list on here and keep you all updated on my adventures. Who knows.... maybe I'll even start a vlog on YouTube.
* I'd like to add that I am not saying television, hulu etc are evil and everyone should do away with it... this is a personal exploration of myself. I have noticed the unhealthy behavior in myself and would like to mend the situation... I am not speaking for anyone else. Thank you! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkOmq2l3zWs&feature=g-all-u I <3 this guy and he posted this video the same day I wrote this blog... I doubt he read this but if he did he made my whole day! :D For the record... I never watched these shows...ever.
29 May 2012
Home Sweet Home
I'm heading into my last two days in Colorado and I have to say I missed it here more than I ever expected or realized.. It's gonna be so hard to leave. I am overwhelmed trying to see everyone that I want to see and know I'm not gonna get to see everyone. I have had more fun in 6 days than I thought possible visiting home haha... I forgot how truly amazing and beautiful this state is. There are so many colors and so much green. But it isn't just the plants, and the mountains that are colorful its the buildings too. Everything here is so beautiful. There are so many places to see and things to do in this state I don't know how anyone could ever be bored and when I think on the past I get upset with myself that I didn't take more opportunities to experience all of the glory that Colorado has to offer while I lived here. Although I have every intention of moving back when the timing is right with God.
It has been amazing seeing my friends and just being in their presence. What it so cool about coming home to visit now is that everyone I see.. I love and I know they love me! There is no pressure about being anything but myself and I can relax and be silly and carefree.I can be completely blunt and honest about my opinions and know its not gonna change anything...even if we argue and disagree. I know without a doubt no matter what they love me and that is really cool to know. Although old emotions were brought up and there were moments where I forgot that I am no longer who I use to be and have grown into a stronger woman it was really fun to bring the more confident, self assured me home to my friends.
I think the most surprising and encouraging moments I've had is when I've gotten to talk to some of my friends and family about my relationship with God and how it has changed my life. I have to admit I've been apprehensive and have feared that I would be judged, and rejected because of my faith and I have been met with love. There is nothing more encouraging than when love prevails over fear.
One of the biggest things I've been trying to do while I've been home is only to eat at restaurants that are not in Arizona and it's been fairly easy. That is sad for the food industry in Arizona. Oh how I've missed Colorado's diversity and simplicity in finding good food to eat that are locally owned. Since I've been home.. I've had Ethiopian, Thai, good 'ol bar burgers, buffalo burger, and subway...haha okay Subway can be found anywhere but it was good! Not to mention good old Louisiana home cookin' by my Mom! She made me Jambalaya and Red Beans and Rice for my birthday and it was delicious! Be jealous...it's okay...you should be!
And last but not least spending time with my family has been amazing. Although there are times where we (I) have fallen into our old patterns it is obvious that we as a family are moving forward in our lives. That we are changing and growing as individuals and are also growing as a family. It isn't easy and it is far from perfected (I cried yesterday over something stupid) but there is a difference. My family is so important to me and I love them more than I can put into words, but it's me and I will always try! :D We have successfully come out of real dark places better, stronger, wiser people and I am proud of who we are. I am proud of my Brother for finding such an amazing beautiful,thoughtful, clever, smart, funny wife. I am proud of him for accomplishing his goals and always holding steadfast to his opinions.I am proud of my Sister in Law for entering into this silly family and going along with our silly traditions no matter what! I am proud of her for finishing her classes and taking on her internships with out any nervousness... she is an inspiration. I am proud of my Sister, who is the kindest, most loving person I have ever met and I am constantly trying to be like her. Still at 26 years old I want to be like my Sister... I think that's pretty cool. And my Mother....anyone who has ever met my Mother knows what a light she is. Everything about her is love. She is amazing, nothing else needs to be said.
With that being said...my trip home; which isn't even over yet, has been magical. I love it here. I love my Family, my Friends, the food, the scenery, the everything. What I have learned is you can never go back to the way things were. I don't even want to go back to the way things were, but you can go home again and move forward into greater things.
It has been amazing seeing my friends and just being in their presence. What it so cool about coming home to visit now is that everyone I see.. I love and I know they love me! There is no pressure about being anything but myself and I can relax and be silly and carefree.I can be completely blunt and honest about my opinions and know its not gonna change anything...even if we argue and disagree. I know without a doubt no matter what they love me and that is really cool to know. Although old emotions were brought up and there were moments where I forgot that I am no longer who I use to be and have grown into a stronger woman it was really fun to bring the more confident, self assured me home to my friends.
I think the most surprising and encouraging moments I've had is when I've gotten to talk to some of my friends and family about my relationship with God and how it has changed my life. I have to admit I've been apprehensive and have feared that I would be judged, and rejected because of my faith and I have been met with love. There is nothing more encouraging than when love prevails over fear.
One of the biggest things I've been trying to do while I've been home is only to eat at restaurants that are not in Arizona and it's been fairly easy. That is sad for the food industry in Arizona. Oh how I've missed Colorado's diversity and simplicity in finding good food to eat that are locally owned. Since I've been home.. I've had Ethiopian, Thai, good 'ol bar burgers, buffalo burger, and subway...haha okay Subway can be found anywhere but it was good! Not to mention good old Louisiana home cookin' by my Mom! She made me Jambalaya and Red Beans and Rice for my birthday and it was delicious! Be jealous...it's okay...you should be!
And last but not least spending time with my family has been amazing. Although there are times where we (I) have fallen into our old patterns it is obvious that we as a family are moving forward in our lives. That we are changing and growing as individuals and are also growing as a family. It isn't easy and it is far from perfected (I cried yesterday over something stupid) but there is a difference. My family is so important to me and I love them more than I can put into words, but it's me and I will always try! :D We have successfully come out of real dark places better, stronger, wiser people and I am proud of who we are. I am proud of my Brother for finding such an amazing beautiful,thoughtful, clever, smart, funny wife. I am proud of him for accomplishing his goals and always holding steadfast to his opinions.I am proud of my Sister in Law for entering into this silly family and going along with our silly traditions no matter what! I am proud of her for finishing her classes and taking on her internships with out any nervousness... she is an inspiration. I am proud of my Sister, who is the kindest, most loving person I have ever met and I am constantly trying to be like her. Still at 26 years old I want to be like my Sister... I think that's pretty cool. And my Mother....anyone who has ever met my Mother knows what a light she is. Everything about her is love. She is amazing, nothing else needs to be said.
With that being said...my trip home; which isn't even over yet, has been magical. I love it here. I love my Family, my Friends, the food, the scenery, the everything. What I have learned is you can never go back to the way things were. I don't even want to go back to the way things were, but you can go home again and move forward into greater things.
08 May 2012
Pruning Unhealthy Relationships
Okay... So I did something that was really quite hard for me to do today... but I am so proud of myself and I feel so free because of it. What did I do? I'm so glad you asked! I deleted my ex boyfriend off Facebook, out of my phone and e-mail. I also told him in a very blunt text that I never want to have any form of contact with him again.
I know.. not that big of a deal to some people...but for me that was huge!!! See.. I rarely walk away from people. I rarely stop and say, "I don't want you in my life anymore". This is the 3rd time in the nearly 26 years I've been alive that I've severed ties with someone. I always wait for them to sever ties with me. That way it wasn't my choice. They did it to me. They have no right to hate me because I didn't walk away from them. I know pathetic. But I'm aware of it now and I'm working hard on changing that. I don't know how he responded cause I handed my phone over to my God mother and she has it for the night and is diligently deleting his text messages as he sends them to me so that I don't get all emotional and take it back. It's not that I wan't to have anything to do with him either...it's that I dont particularly like to hurt people and I might just cave in to get him to shut up. I dont know which it would be but either would be a waste of time because the result is the same. I want him out of my life.
Now after deleting ex boyfriend out of my life I felt inspired to delete others. So I have officially deleted 4 people and I'm sure there are others I need to delete but they are just not coming to mind. It feels good though to prune your life. I feel free and I highly recommend this whole stand up for yourself and cut out toxic relationships thing! It feels good! :D
I know.. not that big of a deal to some people...but for me that was huge!!! See.. I rarely walk away from people. I rarely stop and say, "I don't want you in my life anymore". This is the 3rd time in the nearly 26 years I've been alive that I've severed ties with someone. I always wait for them to sever ties with me. That way it wasn't my choice. They did it to me. They have no right to hate me because I didn't walk away from them. I know pathetic. But I'm aware of it now and I'm working hard on changing that. I don't know how he responded cause I handed my phone over to my God mother and she has it for the night and is diligently deleting his text messages as he sends them to me so that I don't get all emotional and take it back. It's not that I wan't to have anything to do with him either...it's that I dont particularly like to hurt people and I might just cave in to get him to shut up. I dont know which it would be but either would be a waste of time because the result is the same. I want him out of my life.
Now after deleting ex boyfriend out of my life I felt inspired to delete others. So I have officially deleted 4 people and I'm sure there are others I need to delete but they are just not coming to mind. It feels good though to prune your life. I feel free and I highly recommend this whole stand up for yourself and cut out toxic relationships thing! It feels good! :D
07 May 2012
Life Changing Moment
Hi, My Name is Nicki. I decided to start this blog today because I went for a 60 minute run today. Why would that trigger me to write. Well, because I was told my whole life I couldnt do that. I did it though and it was amazing and fun and I just loved it! I realized during my run I have done a lot of things in the last two years since I moved to Arizona that have defied what I was told I was capable of. So I figure I would start writing and sharing those life changing moments I have been so blessed to experience. Especially because I know there are people who have seen my struggle and would be really excited to hear about my conquests. If no one ever reads this...well at least I got it written down for me.
So... the purpose of this blog is to share my life with the world. I'm not going to do what I normally do and block the crap out of it so only a select few can read my life... I'm just going to let this air. Hopefully, my trials and success will motivate someone, or at least make someone laugh.
Let's talk about my run for a second. Whenever I go for a run I always start with a prayer to God. I ask God to carry me through and protect me on the run and if he ever wants to reveal something to me that I am listening and willing to hear him. I think that is the most critical piece to my running experience. Infact the first time I went running back in January I was feeling weak and wheezy and wanted to give up...but I remembered that God was with me and he was carrying me through and I finished it... that was only a 20 minute run! :D
What's crazy to think about is in January when I started this adventure I could only run a minute at a time. I started this using a program called C25k.... you can learn more about it at http://www.c25k.com/. The first week you run for a minute walk for a minute thirty...that was a challenge for me. That was only 5 months ago and now I can for 60 minutes straight! It's just so cool. During my run today I was thinking about how excited I was when I ran for 5 minutes straight. When I finished that run I literally started laughing and praising God in the middle of the street.
I cant express how big of a deal this is. Last year alone I was admitted 5 times for my asthma... I was giving up hope on ever being healthy. Just in November, I had nearly died. The scariest thing in the world is to be breathing so poorly you can no longer voice a word. I know what the feels like. I know what it feels like to not be sure you are gonna make it through this asthma attack, or see tomorrow. It's frightening. I never in a million years thought I would be running for an hour without using my inhaler!
Thing about it is I couldnt have done this without God. Infact I have tried to do this without God...and I failed...even more so when I was running regularly in high school I put myself in the hospital by trying to push myself farther. I'm just so excited about this! I guess the next step is to sign up for a real 5k. That's exciting! I think I will go look into that. But thank you... for your time. I hope you come back and read more about my adventures another day! <3
Nicki C.
So... the purpose of this blog is to share my life with the world. I'm not going to do what I normally do and block the crap out of it so only a select few can read my life... I'm just going to let this air. Hopefully, my trials and success will motivate someone, or at least make someone laugh.
Let's talk about my run for a second. Whenever I go for a run I always start with a prayer to God. I ask God to carry me through and protect me on the run and if he ever wants to reveal something to me that I am listening and willing to hear him. I think that is the most critical piece to my running experience. Infact the first time I went running back in January I was feeling weak and wheezy and wanted to give up...but I remembered that God was with me and he was carrying me through and I finished it... that was only a 20 minute run! :D
What's crazy to think about is in January when I started this adventure I could only run a minute at a time. I started this using a program called C25k.... you can learn more about it at http://www.c25k.com/. The first week you run for a minute walk for a minute thirty...that was a challenge for me. That was only 5 months ago and now I can for 60 minutes straight! It's just so cool. During my run today I was thinking about how excited I was when I ran for 5 minutes straight. When I finished that run I literally started laughing and praising God in the middle of the street.
I cant express how big of a deal this is. Last year alone I was admitted 5 times for my asthma... I was giving up hope on ever being healthy. Just in November, I had nearly died. The scariest thing in the world is to be breathing so poorly you can no longer voice a word. I know what the feels like. I know what it feels like to not be sure you are gonna make it through this asthma attack, or see tomorrow. It's frightening. I never in a million years thought I would be running for an hour without using my inhaler!
Thing about it is I couldnt have done this without God. Infact I have tried to do this without God...and I failed...even more so when I was running regularly in high school I put myself in the hospital by trying to push myself farther. I'm just so excited about this! I guess the next step is to sign up for a real 5k. That's exciting! I think I will go look into that. But thank you... for your time. I hope you come back and read more about my adventures another day! <3
Nicki C.
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