20 Random Facts About Nicki C.

So I found this list of 30 things that should help expose more of my personality and I thought I'd try it. Check out the full list here. 

http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html

The first thing on the list is 20 random facts about me. :) So here I go :) 

1) When I was a kid I was a witch for Halloween around 6 times. I don't know why, but I loved being  a witch. (no pun intended) 

2) I'm still friends with my first crush. I still have a crush on him. Shhhhh. 

3) I am usually the one to apologize and try to mend a friendship. Friendships are so important to me and I dont like to walk away from people. I'd rather apologize than save face. 

4) I will randomly text people I love and tell them why and how much I love them. I've had friends worried I was suicidal because of it. I guess it's not a common practice unless you're saying goodbye. But I want people to know how great they are, and how much I love them. 

5) I am currently going through some of the hardest things I've ever experienced. 

6) I'd love to write a book, preferably an autobiography, but I have no idea where to begin or where to focus my subject on. There is so much I could talk about. 

7) In first or second grade I had to write a book report on Abe Lincoln and thought he was such an amazing man that I wanted to marry him. I was very sad when I found out he was dead and that was never going to happen. 

8) I love nightgowns. 

9) When I was a kid and actors died in movies, I thought they really died. I partially wanted to become an actress because I wanted to learn the art of  resurrection. 

10) I also believed that all of our lives were story books and when we were awake was when our book were being read. I still think that's a cool idea. 

11) I spent a lot of time alone in high school. It's weird to think about now that I have so much trouble being alone for too long. 

12) The idea of being a red neck is very appealing to me. Not the missing teeth, weird part, but the muddin, hunting, riding horses and drinkin beer part. I dont know, they seem to have more fun. 

13) In my opinion, one of my best attributes is my ability to overcome tough situations. I wish I would have just had this skill, instead of learning it, but I'm thankful for it none the less. 

14) I have no idea where my impressive ability with children of all ages (legit all ages) came from. 

15) One of my favorite memories from high school, comes in the form of an old man I use to make cookies for and hang out with after school everyday. He would tell me about his life and I would listen. I miss him. 

16) When my friend Genevieve came to visit when we were 20 years old she said to me , "you havent changed a bit. You're just as boy crazy as you were the first day I met you" That made me look at my entire life from a whole new perspective and make some serious changes. Although I still really like men, and admire them greatly (They're just great) I have a lot more respect and love for myself. Standards, yo. 

18) I've changed the way I spell my name twice. Originally it was Nicki, and then in high school, on a quest for my identity I changed it to Nikki, and then when I moved to Arizona I seized the opportunity to go back to Nicki; however, it became so confusing that I just stopped caring how people spelled my name. Except Nicolette, there is no "h" in Nicolette. That is important. 

19) In my early 20's I dated a man that I was completely crazy about. He lived 2 or 3 hours away (I cant remember) and the last time I saw him I didnt want to let go. He asked me why and I said, " I feel like I'm never gonna see you again". I never saw him again. I think about that moment a lot. 

20) I love my name. My full name. I think it's perfect and although I have every intention of taking my "hypothetical" husbands name, I definitely wish I could marry someone with my last name that I had no relation to whatsoever just so I could keep my name intact. Is that crazy? I dont care. 

So there you have it... 20 random facts about me. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope it gives you a bit of insight into who I am. 

Do Not Worry About Tomorrow...

I talk a lot about not worrying about things and picking and choosing what to worry about.  So I figured maybe it was time for me to share my philosophy (If I can even call it that) on worrying, and where it came from.

Naturally, I cant do anything without telling a story first. I’ve accepted this about myself.  I hope that you, reading this can accept it as well.  I use to be a person who worried about everything. Worry would literally cripple my life. I would worry about big things, surgeries, death, relationships, school, and then I’d worry about little things. Stupid things, like why did my boyfriend look at me like that at breakfast. Or why did I take that route home instead of this route. My life was literally exhausting and the big things were too much to even comprehend because I was spending all of my time and energy stressing on the little things. And then I was introduced to a bible verse. The irony in this is at the time I wasn’t even sure if I believed in God. I had a lot of questions and I had no idea where to look for the answers. But God put in front of me a man in seminary school that was incredibly gracious and patient with me. He showed me what Jesus is supposed to look like when it comes to grace and patience. I am very thankful for the time I had with him.

The verse is “Therefore do not worry for tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for itself. Sufficient for the days its own troubles. “ Matthew 6:34. At the time I saw this only as good advice. I mean how can you argue with it. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow isn’t promised to you. Tomorrow will work it’s own things out. Focus on your issues of today. Okay. I can work with that. I never expected it would have the impact it’s had on me.

So I did focus on it. I made a point to only do what I could do in a day. To not freak out about what I couldn’t do. I one time had an ex boyfriend who was fantastic at living in the moment. I asked him how he did it and he said, “When you’re in a moment be in that moment. If you’re doing dishes, do the best damn dishes you’ve ever done. If you’re with friends put your phone away and be with your friends. If you’re doing homework, do it the best you can in that moment and leave the rest alone.” I really put this into practice. I worked really hard on focusing on the moment and not worrying about what I couldn’t control.

So each day I think about what’s ahead of me. What I need to do that day. And I think about what is most important, what is more urgent that needs to be done. I make a list of things to do and I start them. I very rarely get them all done and that’s okay. I’ve done everything I can for the day. I find freedom in knowing that tomorrow is going to come whether I am ready for it or not. There is no sense in worrying about it because eventually it will all work out. That is not an excuse to not try, that is not excuse to not work hard or follow through with your responsibilities. What it is though is permission to relax. Relax. That thing you’re worried about….with hard work and constant movement forward it will work out. All you need to do is trust and try. Get out of bed and keep going. It will work out. 

However, there are times where this is hard for me to remember. It’s hard for me to follow through with. Life has gotten too hard and too exhausting for me to see past my worry. In those moments  I came up with a formula; if you will, when I find myself worrying about something. When I cant think of anything else, when it's consuming my every moment, I ask myself three questions.

1.       Are you doing everything you can?

a.       If the answer is yes..

                                                               i.       Then why are you worrying?

b.      If the answer is no

                                                               i.      Then why aren’t you doing more?

If these questions don’t work for me, If I’m still overcome with grief or worry. I think back on the hardest time of my life. I really think about it. I think about how horrible it was, how it made me feel. How I never thought I’d get through it, I let the grief come back temporarily and then I remember…that it worked out too. Maybe not the way I wanted it to. But it did. Life moved on, the situation is now in the past and so will whatever it is that is bogging me down now.  I just need to focus on today. I need to not worry about how my situation will turn out, because it will turn out. With determination and constant effort it will work out. Breathe.

It is this philosophy, this verse , that has helped me never to give up. I have wanted to, even recently I have wanted to.  But I know that if I focus on today and the promises given to me today that tomorrow will come and everything will work out. And if tomorrow doesn’t come. Well, then I have nothing more to worry about.  J

Lessons learned.

It's been over a year. Not intentionally, but it happened. I really wish it hadn't because so much has happened in this last year that I wish I had shared with everyone while it was happening. But to be honest, I forgot about this blog. I don't know how I forgot about it, but I did. And then my cousin Jennifer sent me a message and said she came across it. And it's been my own words that have reminded me who I am and what I am capable of. It's been my own words that I needed to hear.

This last year has been one of the most amazing, emotional, heartbreaking,beautiful, tough years of my life. I cant believe it was only a year ago that I told my ex goodbye. It also means it was a year ago that I told my father goodbye as well. It was a year ago I started my internship at my church, which has now ended.

I learned a lot in this last year. I learned how to listen. To really listen. To stop and allow others to speak, value their voice and opinions. Through that, I've learned (and am learning) that I don't always need to talk. That sometimes I say more by not saying anything. I learned that sometimes I learn more by not saying anything. I learned the difference between emotions based on truth and emotions based on lies. I learned that not all emotions need to be reacted to.

 I also have learned how my emotions feel. What I mean by that is, I learned how my body reacts to specific emotions. We physically feel our emotions and when we know what we are feeling in our bodies we can understand our emotions better. And even combat or support emotions by changing how our bodies are reacting. For example: When I get defensive or angry I get really hot. Specifically in my chest and neck area. So when I start to feel that emotion, I am able to calm myself down and not over react. I then am allowed to approach the situation more calmly and logically. I am still working on this.

 Through this I have also learned to not to make decisions based on emotions. I have found when I am over emotional I make very poor choices. Instead of making decisions when I am emotional, I allow time to pass. That choice isn't going anywhere, it can wait. There is no sense in rushing it and possibly making a poor choice because I am emotional. Because I know that everything works out in time, it has allowed me to not feel like I need to fix things right away. This has allowed me to let things unfold and make the best choice for me. It truly has been life changing.

I have learned a lot of things this past year, and I hope I continue to share them with you all. That I dont take another year to write another blog. But for now, I think these speak volumes.

What if's

I spent my whole evening  reminiscing and thinking about "What ifs". I did some wallowing but I'm proud to say it wasn't drastic wallowage. But mostly I just thought of the things I could have done differently. I could have not drank at this party, or I could have saved this money, or I could have not wasted this opportunity...you get the drift. But what really hurt me was thinking about the people I missed. I spent a significant amount of time looking at old pictures and asking myself "What if". Super unhealthy behavior for the record. Thoroughly sad... I texted my buddy Dillon and asked him ever so kindly to tell me to "Stop it!". He being the loyal friend he is obliged me and cheered me up in a matter of minutes and I went off to drown my sorrows in Transformers and orange soda. As soon as it was over I came back over to my laptop to see what I missed on Facebook and my wandering eyes spotted my bible open next to my computer with the gentle and kind words in bold mocking me, "Our, "If Onlies"". It's times like these that I just smile and Thank God for loving me individually and fully. I have a few bibles but I am partial to this one. Partially because my Sister gave it to me (This wasn't an emotional moment or anything, I saw it in her room and she said, "You can have it" and I took it) but it has been good to me. The other reason is because it's NIV translation...for those of you that don't know what that means, it's fancy English that any slightly educated person can understand. When I read it, or memorize verses I feel like I'm speaking in some old fancy English language that only the privileged are entitled to and anyone who knows me, knows I like to pretend I'm privileged.   The third reason is that it is a Woman's devotional bible and has these tiny stories/poems/lectures throughout the bible explaining verses and sections in a Woman's perspective. The bold letters, "Our, "If Onlies"" was precisely that... a devotional. Now due to copy right I am going to paraphrase what it said. Basically it said you cant look in your past with out "What ifs" but to dwell on them is wrong. The important thing to remember is not once was but what is now. That really hit home because of my verse for the year 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come" I forget this daily. lol. I really am a new creation. I am a completely different person than I use to be and the fear that I carry around that I am going to fall into old habits and I'm never going to grow and change is unfounded. It is unfounded for so many reasons but the most important one being 2 Corinthians 5:17. I am so blessed for the love God has given me and completely overwhelmed in trying to understand it. I love God so much. Now if that wasn't a big enough gift from God I then read the passage that accompanied the devotional which is Joel 2: 18-27...and verse 25 called to me. It reads, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-the great locust and the young locust". I don't know if you are reading this and thinking, "What locusts ate something, WHAT?!" but let me explain. Joel ministered in Judah in a time when locusts plagued the economy. This verse served as a promise of restoration in a time of despair. Despair caused by vanity...but you can do your own research to fully understand that. For me what this was...was a reminder that God doesn't just make new but he restores. He has promised to restore me and I can rest in that promise. I needed this so bad right now. I have felt frustrated for weeks feeling like a failure, a loser. I am not a loser. I have come so far and conquered with God so many mighty big mountains. I am not only a Princess of the King, but a warrior and God being the loving God he is reminded me tonight that he is taking care of me. He is loving me and he is in control. God is good all the time. I hope this blesses you like it has blessed me. Thank you for taking the time to read it and sharing my life with me.

Rant about people who say."All men/women suck"

Okay... rant. I'm gonna do this from time to time. I cant stand when woman and men talk about how they hate the opposite sex. Here's the deal...There are indeed not good men out there....and there are not good women out there too. But Men don't suck....and neither do women. That is a broad generalization that drives me nuts.Now I want to address what is really going on but to save from doing he/she or woman/man I'm just gonna use men...but it applies both ways.  Here is the real problem:
   Somewhere along the road you began to believe that men suck. Sure some do...but if you hold on to this thought for the rest of your life and do nothing to change your behaviors and thought patterns then all men that you come across will in fact suck...Now you might be wondering why you are ever so blessed to come across all these suckfest people. Here's why....at some point you started to believe that relationships look a certain way. That certain way is wrong. A healthy relationship does not look the way you think it does if you continue to date sucky people.How do I know this has happened...because you believe all men suck. Now you can go to therapy and analyze this and try to pin point when and why you believe what you believe...or you can decide to change your views. Yes...  I know...change is scary...easier said than done... ooooh shut up! 
Changing your views starts with admitting that you are wrong. That you do not know everything there is to know about everything. Surprise... you are not perfect!
Next you need to figure out your priorities...what you like and what you don't like. What you can live with and more importantly what you wont live with. Write them down. Your mental list isn't good enough...because in the heat of the moment that list becomes unimportant. Tell your friends so they can look at the new guy in your life and say, "Hey...remember when you told me you didn't want to date a smoker ....um...he smokes ". Your real friends wont have a problem hurting your feelings if it means it will benefit you in the long run (unless you're that person that cant handle any criticism ever....if that's the case stop reading this...it isn't for you...yet). 
This one is mostly for the women but men do this too... Please if you get nothing else out of this at all, please understand this, YOU CAN NOT CHANGE OR FIX A PERSON! THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER IS YOURSELF! THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE IS YOURSELF! Don't ever say ever again, "well...maybe he'll quit for me" Or "That can change" Sure...it could... you're right...there is the possibility that these things may happen...but I can 100% promise you it isn't because you got him to do it. If they change, they change because they wanted to. So if there is a quality about this person that you're not willing to live with, then walk away. Don't lean on the idea of someday or you will always be leaning on that idea.
And last (at least in this blog) Understand that you are worth the wait. Do not settle. You deserve to be treated well...and don't think there are no men out there that fit your qualifications because that's not true. You're awesome right? Well...you're not the only awesome person on the planet...so chances are there is someone out there that fits what you are looking for.
Now stop looking for someone and live your life. Love your life! You only get one after all. It's in those moments that you're laughing with your friends and trying new things that you will find that person and even more importantly...you will find yourself.

Things I'd like to do in the next 6 months...

This is my list of things I'd like to attempt and do in the next 6 months!

Run a 5k (Like actually sign up and run one)

Finish my Grandma’s scrapbook

build a sand castle
go to Bearizona!!!! 

Read 12 books

Do a puzzle

Dye My hair a fun color

People Watch and write a short story about the people I see

Go Roller Skating

Have a Tea Party

Make a Time Capsule

build a fort

Go Ice Skating

Go to the Grand Canyon

Write…just write

Join a swim team

Take dance classes

Make a video and put it on Youtube

Go cliff jumping

Make my own cook book (dairy free of course)

Fire a gun

Zipline

Ride a mechanical bull

Go to Mexico 

Milk a cow

Visit San Diego Zoo

Go to Disney Land

Build a dollhouse

Camping 

Karaoke

Go to the Phoenix Zoo

Go Horseback Riding

Go to the MiM (Musical Instrument Museum)

Go to a Wax Museum

Go down the Salt River

Sew (my apron :D)

Learn to knit

Make a quilt

Living my Life

Okay...so I've been thinking... which usually isn't a good thing but I think this time it is. In January I made the commitment to stop watching television by myself for a year. I actually did really well til April. Then I fell flat on my face. In January through March I learned quite a bit about myself. 1. I had no idea what was going on in the world. 2. I watched t.v. to avoid doing things I didn't understand and didn't want to deal with. 3. I was 100% more productive and successful without television in my life. Then in April I went on a television binge one could say... During this binge I kept thinking, why am I watching other people live their lives instead of living mine. But I did nothing to change. I don't know if I just didn't fully understand my thoughts at the time, or was too scared to act...but I didn't do anything. I didn't neglect my responsibilities or avoid plans to watch television... I just spent every minute that wasn't planned watching t.v., movies, YouTube, Netflix, hulu...whatever. Now on to what has prompt this blog. There are two you-tubers (Is that a word/phrase?) that have motivated me here...along with my cousin Jennifer, and my Sister.
    Here's how... First there is Charlie Mcdonnell... http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieissocoollike?feature=results_main Charlie is this adorable British kid who has taken YouTube by storm. I came across him sometime in the early months of this year and couldn't stop watching his videos. He's smart, clever, creative, funny and that accent is addicting. After spending an entire night watching his videos I kept thinking how amazing it was that this kid has become so famous just by being himself. I wondered if I am that interesting... without coming to a conclusion to that question I moved on. Possibly afraid of the answer.
    Then there is my cousin Jennifer. I've always adored Jennifer (whom I've never actually met but came in contact with because of Myspace, God bless the internet!) She has always seemed so interesting to me. She's been a model (she's gorgeous) but she's not vain... in fact I haven't seen a picture of her in years because she never puts any up. She's so smart....she took on a a major modeling corporation but the details are hers to share not mine. Now she promotes health through holistic well being, herbal medicine and exercise (I hope that does her justice) http://www.wakingbird.com/ That will explain more or you can find her on FB https://www.facebook.com/WakingBird Anyways...she is this amazing woman who has taken time to send me a personalized diet plan and to personally motivate me and although very gracious and intrigued, I haven't followed through yet...again out of fear I think.
   Following suite is my Sister...my Sister who also has a blog http://julie30before30.blogspot.com/ at the beginning of the year got rid of her cable, got a personal trainer and made a 30 things to do before she turns 30 list. I'm so proud of her and impressed. She literally has changed her priorities so much in 6 months that it blows my mind. Partially because in August of last year she was telling me how these were things she wasn't willing to do. I just keep thinking though...who she is now...is who I use to be...and I really miss that person.
  Now last but not least... Mike Falzone... http://www.youtube.com/user/mikefalzone?feature=results_main  Mike is this funny, talented, smart, sarcastic real guy who shares his life with people if you haven't looked him up you need to...now...go! Right now! Okay... now moving on. The same thing that happened when I discovered Charlie happened with Mike just a few days ago.I stayed up all night watching all of his videos just entranced by this man.  What really blew my mind though is that I said something about Mike on twitter https://twitter.com/#!/MikeFalzone and he responded! I felt like a celebrity reached out to me! Silly I know...but it was really cool! I already thought he was super hot but that created an instant crush. Now here is the other thing about Mike... he is so humble. I can almost see him blushing whenever someone says something flattering to him. (I do hope if he reads this it makes him smile). Anyways... because Mike responds to people, because he is so real he helped me see that I could do what he is doing. What I mean is I could be living my life. My life could be worth following. I could be worth following. Do I think I'm worth following right now...no. I don't. Do I think; scratch that, know I am worth following as a person. Yes. I do. So what's standing in my way? 
   Fear, laziness, the idea that I'm not good enough...yeah that pretty much sums it up. I'm going to change this though. I know who I am. I am a child of God, I am funny, I am confident, I am pretty, I am smart, I am unique and strong...so if I know these things why am I not living to my potential? I have no good answer to that. 
    So here is what I'm gonna do... I am going to seriously do away with television...not YouTube...I like YouTube... but television, Hulu, Netflix, Movies etc... I'm not going to not go to the movies with people, or hang out with friends and have a Harry Potter or Star Wars marathon... I'm just not going to waste my alone time on television through the end of the year. ( Please don't lecture me about putting myself on a time limit.. I like time limits they help me follow through and feel productive) Second.. I'm gonna make a list of things I want to do through the end of the year...and I'm going to put that list on here and keep you all updated on my adventures. Who knows.... maybe I'll even start a vlog on YouTube. 


* I'd like to add  that I am not saying television, hulu etc are evil and everyone should do away with it... this is a personal exploration of myself. I have noticed the unhealthy behavior in myself and would like to mend the situation... I am not speaking for anyone else. Thank you! :)




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkOmq2l3zWs&feature=g-all-u  I <3 this guy and he posted this video the same day I wrote this blog... I doubt he read this but if he did he made my whole day! :D For the record... I never watched these shows...ever.