What if's

I spent my whole evening  reminiscing and thinking about "What ifs". I did some wallowing but I'm proud to say it wasn't drastic wallowage. But mostly I just thought of the things I could have done differently. I could have not drank at this party, or I could have saved this money, or I could have not wasted this opportunity...you get the drift. But what really hurt me was thinking about the people I missed. I spent a significant amount of time looking at old pictures and asking myself "What if". Super unhealthy behavior for the record. Thoroughly sad... I texted my buddy Dillon and asked him ever so kindly to tell me to "Stop it!". He being the loyal friend he is obliged me and cheered me up in a matter of minutes and I went off to drown my sorrows in Transformers and orange soda. As soon as it was over I came back over to my laptop to see what I missed on Facebook and my wandering eyes spotted my bible open next to my computer with the gentle and kind words in bold mocking me, "Our, "If Onlies"". It's times like these that I just smile and Thank God for loving me individually and fully. I have a few bibles but I am partial to this one. Partially because my Sister gave it to me (This wasn't an emotional moment or anything, I saw it in her room and she said, "You can have it" and I took it) but it has been good to me. The other reason is because it's NIV translation...for those of you that don't know what that means, it's fancy English that any slightly educated person can understand. When I read it, or memorize verses I feel like I'm speaking in some old fancy English language that only the privileged are entitled to and anyone who knows me, knows I like to pretend I'm privileged.   The third reason is that it is a Woman's devotional bible and has these tiny stories/poems/lectures throughout the bible explaining verses and sections in a Woman's perspective. The bold letters, "Our, "If Onlies"" was precisely that... a devotional. Now due to copy right I am going to paraphrase what it said. Basically it said you cant look in your past with out "What ifs" but to dwell on them is wrong. The important thing to remember is not once was but what is now. That really hit home because of my verse for the year 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come" I forget this daily. lol. I really am a new creation. I am a completely different person than I use to be and the fear that I carry around that I am going to fall into old habits and I'm never going to grow and change is unfounded. It is unfounded for so many reasons but the most important one being 2 Corinthians 5:17. I am so blessed for the love God has given me and completely overwhelmed in trying to understand it. I love God so much. Now if that wasn't a big enough gift from God I then read the passage that accompanied the devotional which is Joel 2: 18-27...and verse 25 called to me. It reads, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-the great locust and the young locust". I don't know if you are reading this and thinking, "What locusts ate something, WHAT?!" but let me explain. Joel ministered in Judah in a time when locusts plagued the economy. This verse served as a promise of restoration in a time of despair. Despair caused by vanity...but you can do your own research to fully understand that. For me what this was...was a reminder that God doesn't just make new but he restores. He has promised to restore me and I can rest in that promise. I needed this so bad right now. I have felt frustrated for weeks feeling like a failure, a loser. I am not a loser. I have come so far and conquered with God so many mighty big mountains. I am not only a Princess of the King, but a warrior and God being the loving God he is reminded me tonight that he is taking care of me. He is loving me and he is in control. God is good all the time. I hope this blesses you like it has blessed me. Thank you for taking the time to read it and sharing my life with me.